Roshni se bhare bhare (Filled with Light)
It was a very beautiful day. I was standing on top of the majestic Aguada Fort in Goa. The cold breeze was brushing against my face, which had the smell of the Arabian sea. I could hear the cheerful crowd around, people chatting loudly, the chattering of kids, and the joy and fun of people out on a holiday. I was firmly grasping my husband's hands while standing on the stony edge of the fort overlooking the bluish grey ocean. We had come from Mumbai to spend a weekend in Goa. My husband was describing the beauty of the place to me, how splendid and serene the world appeared from atop the fort which indeed was on a hill, and how beautiful the Arabian sea looked and how tiny the sea waves appeared from there, which were lashing gently against the sands. I stood there visualizing the beautiful scenery. Oh,...how I wish I could see the world around me? How I wish the world wasn't just darkness for me? How I wish I still had eyesight?
Well, I'm Roshni, hailing from Pune, Maharastra. I lost my eyesight at the age of 13 due to an illness. From the age of 10, I was experiencing problems with my vision and my parents took me to an ophthalmologist. The doctor explained to my parents the nature of my illness and told them that soon I'll be losing my vision and in a matter of years the world will only appear to me to be a deep dark void.
Though my parents tried to console me, and tried to give me hope and advised to be optimistic, I soon realized the bitter truth. In a matter of six months darkness started settling in. I had blurred vision, followed by partial blindness, and within a span of 3 years, finally the day that I feared the most arrived. When I woke up that day, to my horror, it was pitch dark all around me. My world of colours was shattered and it was just grey and black for me after that. Colours of objects became part of some distant memory, so did the faces of my loved ones. My world soon turned out to be filled with only sounds and touch - voices of dear ones, sounds that I hear around, the feel of objects that I touch - hard and soft ones. The sounds like the clatter of plates, the broadcast on radio, the honking of vehicles while on streets etc, and the soothing feel of the wind that caress my face when I'm out, the feel of the cold water that runs down my body, etc became an inevitable part of my life, and solely connected me with the world around me. My dear and near ones tried their level best to make me feel at ease, and gave me lot of hope. They made me realize that I have just lost my vision, but I still have a vision in life.
I continued my studies in the school of the blind, where they taught us everything in braille. I graduated in literature and joined in a firm in Mumbai. I worked as a stenographer for a while and later moved on to be a writer for a weekly magazine. I am still working for that magazine in Mumbai.
It was during those days that I met Kiran, who was my colleague at office. We both liked each other and finally one day, he asked me whether I would like to marry him. Marriage was something which I seldom thought. After graduation I had not met anyone blind, and the world around me was filled with people whom I thought were lucky enough, to enjoy the gift of vision. At times I have felt very bad being the only blind person around, but my cordial and affable friends and colleagues have always made me feel at ease.
Kiran's sudden proposal was like a bolt from the blue. I was very skeptical and had to think several times until I could take a decision, and had him wait impatiently for almost a fortnight until I gave my much anticipated nod. Within a span of few months marriage was finalised after the talks between our families, and we got married. My family was very much relieved and delighted to have me married off to someone from my own profession, who shares my likes and interests, who really understands me, and accepts my inabilities and shortcomings, and who can be a good companion to me.
Our married life is a happy one, and we have settled in Mumbai and continue to work at the same firm. With lots of friends around, and lots of hopes and dreams, I'm finally living my life.
Once I asked Kiran, just out of curiosity as well as concern, whether he has ever felt it awkward, inconvenient and embarrassed to have a blind wife, and cumbersome to always have to describe to me the surroundings and the people we meet whenever we are out.
His reply was even more amusing. He said he had been leading a very busy life that he seldom noticed the beauty of the world around him, and whenever I'm with him, and whenever he has to describe to me, that is when he really notice the world around him, the life of people, the surroundings, and the real beauty of the world. It's my blindness that brings colour and brightness to his world, and more joy to his heart.
Both our names Kiran and Roshni means 'light'. He imparts light to my world and my darkness lighten up his world.
After staying there atop the Aguada fort for quite a while, enjoying the breeze and the pristine beauty of the ocean, Kiran and I decided to return to our car. We walked towards the entrance, walking slowly beside the stony wall of the fort. I had one of my hands firmly clutched in Kiran's soft hands, while with the other I was brushing the hard and rough sides of the stony wall; and as we walked, I could feel both the soft and hard shades of my life.
-Suveen Jacob Abraham.
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